Gossip

I was recently asked what my opinions are about gossip. I sat down and started thinking about the deeper than obvious answer “I don’t like it when people gossip”. What is the reason for this, do you think? Well here is my summary:

Firstly let’s classify gossiping:  I believe gossiping is anything that you will not say to the person you are discussing’s face. This may be because of their reaction, because it is a secret or malicious intent. Thus if you can’t say it directly to that person, don’t say it at all.

When we gossip, the person we are gossiping too, knows we cannot be trusted.  We immediately expect that the person will do the same to us. 

Secondly when we gossip it is 9 times out of 10, that the other person is being criticized. This might make us feel better but has no good repercussions.  Sometimes one little sentence may have severely dire consequences, when they push the other person over the edge.

If we criticize no good can come from it, but when we discuss things in a positive manner rather than criticizing, too often than not, we will see a dramatic change in the reaction of other people. When we gossip or criticize people become reluctant to share things with us, they become distrustful towards us.

There is a phrase that goes: Judging a person does not define who they are, it defines who you are.

We damage the connections we have with our friends as they see us being polite and then when someone has left the conversation turn on them.  This proves to them that we cannot be trusted and generally the other person will immediately suspect us of gossiping about them too. So it starts a vicious cycle of distrust and dishonesty.  We can easily discuss something with the person if we just choose more positive words rather than bad mouthing a person.

With gossiping we generally wear a mask to hide our true self from the other person. On this I have only a little point I would like to raise.  If you have to wear a mask, have to pretend to be something you are not, why are you wasting time with someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are? Shouldn’t your friends love you for you and not what you pretend to be?

Remember next time you want to say something bad, would you say it to that person?